So ahh... My lesbian love affairs "AKA" the popcicle of premaritail sex "AKA" Mississippi "AKA" Sam Beck's birthday was yesterday... So of course she had a party. First off i'm running late. Because sam told me thta the pary would be at 6 or 7 when she told me about it. And then i forgot about the party until saterday and i never asked her for a time yet. THEN i called around...and no one knows how pick up a phone. So i finally called josh and all the guys were with him getting EMOriffec, and he told me 5:30.... It was almost 5 when i called. So of course sam's gift wasn't ready, and neither was I so i didn;t get there till like 6:15 to 6:30.. somewhere around then.

The first thing i thought when i opened the door....... HOLY SHIT!!!!! Brett is here! WAIT *FUCK* They are all emo-fied! hahahah and then SAM!!!!!!!!!!!! hahahah

YEa i was shocked to see brett! i do have to admit. because he told liz h didn;t like sam and he got into this argument about it the other day with her and liz. SO i was SHOCKED. but i wasn't so shocked that he didn't talk to me. He hasn't since spring break. And i dont care.

So then we ate cake and opened presents...... they had pizza..... damn weight watchers! And then i had a few chips and a coke... i guess i didn't do to bad. Then we watched the ring.. STEVIE STYLE! hahahaha i wasn;t really watching it... i was watching anthony and daniel freak out.... babys!

Then we watched  euro Trip..... AHHHHHHH... I'm so moving to EURUPE!!! so of course thats my movie! But after seeing the movie i may re think this eurupe thing.

-- Wal*Mart
-- Dodgeball
-- Wrong Room Girl

HAHA some guy just called and his name was Jorge Ramos!!! sorry i love mexicans. Ooh its pronounces Whore-Hey Ra-Moes... hehe

the fear that i will cut myself again

o0o0oh i do have some good news! I finally told my parentials that i can not stand that stupid baptist church. I know they go to it and all but seriously. I dont see why i have to go on Wednesday. I mean the only kids who go to the youth on wednesday are jr high boys... yuck! And its just stupid for me to go. Plus i dont like big youth groups... NOT AT ALL. Yes i knwo i just did an oxymoron. THey're youth group is very large.... but the youth on wednesday, no one goes to.

So i leave for mission trip sunday... yay for mission trip! I need to get out of this town. I was gonna go to java tonnight but uhhh... it seems java's open mic night is just getting kind of old. Maybe its because its summer, i dunno. It just seems a bunch of people go to hang outside.. umm hello! you can hang outside java anytime? Open Mic night is to drink coffee and listen to some talent from around the area. But it seems it has become a trend... i hate trends!

You knwo whats is begining to get on my nevres... people telling me they saw robbie... or robbie this or robbie that. Look i dont care what robbie does on his free time. Sure we had a thing.. BUt jesus! I dont care...... Robbie is a big boy, i dont need to knwo his everymood, and frankly i dont care!

sence i have left some fears out latly i guess i'll end with the fear of roaches for today... god please let there be NO Roaches in MONROE!!

And i have to go to that stupid BAPTIST youth gRoup Tonight.... which i dont want to go TOO!!! and i never wated to go to!!!!!



BLAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

take a knife and stab me

I sayed up till like 2 in the morning last night talking to one of Sams friends.. Andrew. he is pretty kick ass. i like the fact that he is open, i hate close minded people. So of course i was tired this morning. But i woke up at like 8 because this guy came to look at the tres that we are cutting down in the back yard and decided to ring the damn doorbell. So i got up and ate, took a shower and then got online. No one was on so i decided to go back  to sleep and i didn;t wake up till like 1:05 and i took another shower and cleaned my room all day till i was forced to go to the baptist dinner.

Okay i've decided that lousisiana sucks! I mean really. Do you realize that the Louisiana school board hates individuality? Its sad when a principal keeps a child in her office for the whole half day left of school because his hair was spiked.... thats right, you heard me. Its also quite sad that the parish school board is trying to pass a rule where all kids, boys and girls, from 4h to 12th grade, must wear a belt and have their shirts tuked in at all times. Sure if you have a rock hard body your fine with it. But i surly don't and i knwo others who dont either. I've realized that the prinicipals and school board in this area would like it if all children were preppy, innocent, and perfect. Their excuse is that it destracts from the learning enviroment. I'll tell you something, what distracts me from a learning enviroment is when people around me are getting written up for gay as rules......... enough said.

"The Light & The Glass"-  Coheed and Cambria
Slowly the pen touches paper in the guidance of the words that you write
memories roll in of the things you once did
and who you had shared them with, is somebody thinking of you
did I bother telling you this, with the words that cross teeth and jump lips
a poor choice of words in wanting to tell you anything
but words don't come with ease they're forever my hurt
would it really matter if you were to count the days left with your hands
your focus secure and the loves you left well
smiles staged in photographs here until...
you....you left the light on
theres a chance I might have tripped girl
you were there to hold on
ignoring the words of your obnoxious little brother
kill or be killed spilled the words from your mother
I'll lay awake for a while
I'll leave the light on a while
you couldn't last a lifetime caught between here and the days of it
carving her name across your arm with every wish it's hit or miss her
I told you so
I measure distance in lines departing the rest of my list
but you (you, you) had better things to do (X2)...liar
ignoring the words of your obnoxious little brother
kill or be killed spilled the words from your mother
I'll lay awake for a while
I'll leave the light on a while
you couldn't last a lifetime caught between here and the days of it
carving her name across your arm with every wish it's hit or miss her
I told you so
I measure distance in lines departing the rest of my life
if you get put to sleep, like an old dog you're better off if you get put to sleep
I've been cautious with the words I extend
allow this year before the world starts to end
your father's dead he passed in his sleep
and I woke to the sounds of her crying (X3)
you're father's dead he passed in his sleep
pray for us all