Monday, April 26, 2004
Under Construction, so please bare with me!!!
Thanx to the Html Genius fomanally known at Emilee, My blog will soon be the shizzle in the nizzle, got that bizzale?
Hmm so whats been up with me... OOh Ali is just so damned cool, she got Ashleigh, her, and I tickets to The brittany spears concert... first row... I love Ali, not just because of the tickets... i mean if she didn;t get them... i'd still love her. But she is just so cool there is'nt a word to discribe it!
OOh and i also got a ticket to Mercy Me... woop woop, this will be the second concert i am going to by them. Last time i went with a bunch of friends and i got home at like 1 in the morning and i had school the next day, so i went into the sick room and called my dad... because he didn;t knwo about the concert... and got him to pick me up and i went home and slept for hours, while everyone was stuck at school... mwhahahahhaha!!
Okay well ttyl
the fear of not finishing this damn blog
Posted at 04:08 am by mysticpink
Sunday, April 25, 2004
"Days go by and still i think of you........." I think thats a like techno song by Vegas.
Well , Life as i once knew it has been erased, Last night i stayed up reading old journals i wrote when i was like in jr high and it reminded me of how peaceful i once was. But then again, It also brought back some painful memories of my parents and their divorce. I think one day, when i'm real old, i'll look back and be like... "God damn, i went through alot, but i came out of it alive.."
I had a weird dream last night. The setting was like Covington/Mandeville. And one of my friends came and picked me up like at Midnight and we went driving around and found ourselves at a party in Covington. Then we sat around with a bunch of people and drank a few beers and just hung out when another one of my friends called and need a ride. So my friend who brought me offered to go pick her up. And i knew she was a lil tipsy, but so was I and i didn;t tell ehr to stay back. And when she went she got into this car wreck, went to the hospital and was in acoma (Sp?) for days, until she died. And i blamed myself and at the end, i killed myself.... right when i woke up. It scared me alot. But when i woke up it was like 3 in the morning so i went and got a glass of water and went back to sleep and had another crazy dream. This time i was somewhere outta state. And my dad had brought the entire stepfamily to this like cabin. It was beautiful. Their was this indoor outdoor pool and the place was just straight out pimping..(thats right... i'm up on the lingo) ... anyway, well my dad was really mean all of a sudden. It was like i wasn;t even there. When they were having fun, i was locked in my room. when they went out to eat, i was given stale bread. And finally i ran away into the woods... and they just left me there, without even caring, then as i was running from something i triped into some quick sand and right before i went under i woke up..... this time it was 12 in the afternoon, and i decided i should probley not go back to sleep.
umm otherwise.... i got a crappy interum, but i'm not grounded. I'm half way done with the plays, and school is almost out....... so why arn't i happy yet???
the fear of death Posted at 07:10 am by mysticpink
Wednesday, April 21, 2004
420.......you know what that means
Its Ali's B-day!!!!!!....... what did you want me to say, it was national pot day, hitlers b-day, and the annvirsery of Colimbine, get real people.
Ok so i haven't written in this in a while. So let see whats new.... *ponders*
Rehearsal Rehearsal Rehearsal!!!! I have had rehearsal every day since Sunday. Thr first perfprmance is at madisonville elementory thursday after school, Folsom elementory on Friday after school, then monday the hospital at 4 and right back to school for the main performance, and then tuesday the last and final perfomance at night at the arts at school........... fun fun......... so that means i wont be online to update this that much this week, sorry guys.
*ponders some more*
Umm let see what else.. bacl to school after spring break, and i actually feel loved once more. Been working on a research project in dominique. Mimming it out in speech.. *Silence*.. then, ohh yea. I was kinda upset with ashleigh, but i wasn;t gonna be all poed at her. But once i walked in the locker room at pe and she said.. "hey whats up?" i wanted to kill her!! I mean serously, and she thinks i'm mad about thursday and she really has no idea what so ever...... grrr. But i decided to out it behind me and so i imed her once more and she was all like so now ur talking to me or something like that, and i was like well now u see how i feel.... i mean really. grrr, now i'm in a bad mood.
leave a comment really, i am starting to get them, and i would like to keep up that trend
the fear ashleigh wont ever get it......
PS!!!! I'm allergic to madis costume.. WTF... i have like 4 performances and i am gonna get sick at everyone of them!! grr
Posted at 11:03 am by mysticpink
Saturday, April 17, 2004
Feelings Overload
A tear slipped out from under her eye
But It was hidden under the thick layer of pride
As she wiped it astray
She put on a fake smile to allure him away
She wouldn’t dare show him her feelings
Even if they were Screaming to come out
And as his mouth moved up and down
The words were kept silent
As her heart dropped deep beneath the ground.
All of a sudden she found herself back in a familiar place
Back into the dark, cold, and lonely space
The shell that she hides in so well
She was left alone once more
And she had lost the one thing she yearned for
Then she realized that her already amiss life
Was falling apart right in front of her eyes
She tried to keep her focus on something else
Fighting her Frustrations and doubts
Until he gave her a hug and a sigh
Then As he gave his last goodbye
He drove off
And she felt her soft cheek turn warm
As a storm of tears came over her
She ran in her room
Shut the door
And Cried
Cried until she drowned herself
In sleep
And slept for days
No one really knows when she will awake
Until then
What you see from her is fake.
So yea, I wrote this poem and i thought about reading it at java last night, But open mic was cancelled. So i decided to put it in here. I've been kinda depressed latley. Last night at like, hmm, i wanna say 1 in the morning, I thought about running away. I am so sick of this town. Everyone in it is either a backstabbing bitch, or a whinny immature bastard. You see, ever since like 7th grade i've been depressed. For one, the school districts are all screw up around here. So i had to leave all my friends that i had since kidergarten and go to a Jr HIgh where i only new maybe 5 people if i was lucky. Its kinda hard for a kid that age. I became very shy, and it was hard for me to make friends at first. But once i did i thought it was all over, that life was gonna move on. But i'm beginning to realize that frankly, my friends suck. I've gone through so many cliques its not even funny. I can't seem to find that one true friend / group of friends. I haven't had a best friend since 6th grade. And i guess i finally realized how lonly i am last night. When no one has called or invited me anyweher all spring break. And this is every break.. Christmas, thanksgiving, Mardi Gras... and then when summer comes..... its the lonliness time of the year. Every other kid goes to camp, hangs out with friends at the mall or the movies, I sit at home and anticapte sundays, the day i have youth group, and human interaction. And i think the fact that I rarly date doesn't help either. Even if i like i a guy, i could never tell them....I hate rejection, and once you get it alot.... you just give up. Wow got off track.. so yea i guess that explains why i wanna away. I wanna leave this town, and Go somewhere where i could start all over. But not at 15, maybe after i graduate. Thats my dream.... but to leave and only leave a letter, so people knwo i wasn't kidnaped. Maybe o the west coast... Orange County here i come!
The fear that my life will be full of nothingness
Posted at 08:42 am by mysticpink
Friday, April 16, 2004
i have notice that i indulge myself in silence... alot. Now i know most of you are thinking, you talk alot! But i talk alot, because no one talks to me.
My brother and i use to talk alot as kids. We were only 2 years apart, so it was easy for us to talk about stuff. But once he started jr high it was like, all communication was turned off. We hardly talk anymore unless its, where u put the mail at erika? Or, ""hey adam, who is that playing... Fuck off its none your business.... Ok w/e"
And me and my dad can't even hold a conversation anymore. It usally goes like this...
"so how was your day?"
"good"
"hows school?"
"good"
"well this weekend is open, if you wanna do something."
"ok"
"well i g2g"
"ok"
"i love you"
"ok"
yea i know its quite sad.
But the sadiest part, is that i can sit in front of the computer for hours and hours, on aim, with out talking to a soul. I think its more because peopel dont wanna talk to me.
I have this secret fear, that everyone dislikes me. I mean waht else could be the reason no one invites me places, or calls me. No one has invited me to their house in months except the nietos, sarah, or ashleigh. I guess thats why i like going so much. Because they are the only people who care. And its kinda sad that its the truth. It really hurts the most when people only call you for someone elses number, to invite tem to a party they are having, but your not invited. I guess it sounds stupid, but i hurts, it hurts alot.
I'e even gotten to the point that i dont even bother with email anymore. Because it suchs when u dont get any.
what happened to me? I use to have so many friends............ no i can only say i have 3, Savannah, Jake, and Sarah.
I'm scared i'll be this alone all my life
Posted at 01:21 pm by mysticpink
Home Alone, again.. *Suprise* Suprise*
Alone again.......... o0o0o0o0o0oh what fun!!!!
Well it is offical, this spring break sucks.
I havn't been out one night.
Had to work.
Heart crushed
No one calls
And to make it worst
The one night i was looking forward too, is cancelled
Yea I was really looking forward to this night. Ashleigh And i were supose to go to java for open mic. And it was acutally gunna be fun tonight. Not like last thursday. I even wrote a poem that i wanted to read there tonight. But last minute she says it slipped her mind and she has to babysit. Just my luck. I'm not mad at her, just disopointed that the one night that i was gonna be out during spring break, she cancels. And i know sarah isn;t going because she is in Cali, and i dont know where th Fuck Ali is.
O0o0o0o0o And brett is all poed at me because i made a commment to chandler about shatterhand, and how i think they suck. The truth is i dont care. Its not my fault he can't take critisism.
Well i'm going, to do nothing, since my plans were cancelled
fear that this will be my life, forever
Posted at 06:44 am by mysticpink
Thursday, April 15, 2004
Let see today and the past few days of spring break sucked.... so i decided the rest of spring break aint gonna suck..I made a plan.
I'm planning to wake up late, so taht my mom will be off to work already, call her and tell her i'm awake and i am going to java to meet someone. Then i will grab lunch and eat it on the lake front, and after streaching, i'll either swim to the shack or across the harbor and go to the other side to hide out for the day. I need a day of lonlness for some reason. Then like at 3 i'll head home and get ready to meet ashleigh and margo at java ghrotto.
well yea thats my day planned.. fun fun!!
Well i am off to get a shower or something, peace out
The fear is that i get caught tomorrow
Posted at 10:56 am by mysticpink
Wednesday, April 14, 2004
Mr Chandler is A sTalker!
Mr. Chandler is a stalker... i have proof!!!!
IwantMAESbabyS is away at 5:27:30 PM.
signed off at 5:39:18 PM.
signed on at 5:39:31 PM.
is away at 5:43:05 PM.
returned at 5:49:51 PM.
signed off at 5:54:28 PM.
signed on at 6:26:34 PM.
is away at 6:38:33 PM.
returned at 6:45:28 PM.
signed off at 6:45:34 PM.
signed on at 7:03:10 PM.
is away at 7:05:06 PM.
returned at 7:18:23 PM.
is away at 7:50:49 PM.
returned at 7:50:50 PM.
is away at 7:50:53 PM.
signed off at 8:00:31 PM.
signed on at 8:02:13 PM.
signed off at 8:40:11 PM.
signed on at 8:40:49 PM.
is away at 8:59:19 PM.
signed off at 9:03:22 PM.
signed on at 9:03:25 PM.
returned at 9:27:41 PM.
signed off at 9:27:48 PM.
signed on at 9:28:01 PM.
is away at 9:32:26 PM.
returned at 9:38:31 PM.
is away at 9:55:41 PM.
returned at 10:00:03 PM.
IwantMAESbabyS signed off at 10:19:08 PM.
^^^^^^^ This was in his profile.. the boy keeps up with my life way to much!!!
But thats okay Mr. Chandler is a good teacher
IwantMAESbabyS: hehe ok so where were we
mumblingchandler: absoluty nowhere
IwantMAESbabyS: sounds like a good title for an emo band
mumblingchandler: If you ask me
IwantMAESbabyS: i didn't but if i asked you what?
mumblingchandler: Emo band's names are worse than what they play
IwantMAESbabyS: like i said
IwantMAESbabyS: i didn't ask you
mumblingchandler: the reason why I don't like emo
mumblingchandler: is because it all sounds the same
IwantMAESbabyS: no it doesn;t
mumblingchandler: not a single band develops any different sound
IwantMAESbabyS: there are diff genras of emo
mumblingchandler: you think they do
IwantMAESbabyS: u got hardcore emo
mumblingchandler: but they don't
IwantMAESbabyS: meta; sounds the same!
mumblingchandler: progressive rock or metal is about developing your different sounds
mumblingchandler: each cd sounds different
IwantMAESbabyS: wtf
IwantMAESbabyS: no
mumblingchandler: and it is musically challenging to play
mumblingchandler: your thinking of the wrong metal
mumblingchandler: like doom metal
mumblingchandler: black metal
mumblingchandler: all those screaming metals
mumblingchandler: no
mumblingchandler: I don't listen to those
mumblingchandler: progressive has no screaming
IwantMAESbabyS: no an idiot can play metal look at shatterhand... but to play it well1
mumblingchandler: Progressive is not what You think
mumblingchandler: you know Pink Floyd?
mumblingchandler: Yes?
IwantMAESbabyS: name a progressive metal band i might know
mumblingchandler: King Chrimson?
mumblingchandler: Genisis?
mumblingchandler: those are old progressive rock
IwantMAESbabyS: pink floyd yes.... nice choice
mumblingchandler: progressive rock
mumblingchandler: 70
mumblingchandler: 's
mumblingchandler: now in 2000
mumblingchandler: progressive metal
mumblingchandler: is like that but harder
mumblingchandler: I actaually hate other metals that everyone else listens to
IwantMAESbabyS: ooh i have a web site for u
IwantMAESbabyS: http://foxweb.marist.edu/users/emily.dovi/album5/
mumblingchandler: yeah
mumblingchandler: NO
mumblingchandler: let me go PLAY WITH myself
mumblingchandler: I"M SO HORNEY
IwantMAESbabyS: lmao
IwantMAESbabyS: put ur lil garden snake away
IwantMAESbabyS: back to metal
IwantMAESbabyS: go on
IwantMAESbabyS: GO ON
IwantMAESbabyS: i am giving u time to own me
IwantMAESbabyS: so take it or leave it
mumblingchandler: I'll burn you a CD
IwantMAESbabyS: ekk for free?
mumblingchandler: of soft progressive metal
IwantMAESbabyS: i like free
mumblingchandler: soft
IwantMAESbabyS: soft?
IwantMAESbabyS: like pink floyd
IwantMAESbabyS: /
IwantMAESbabyS: ?**
mumblingchandler: not old shit
IwantMAESbabyS: new stuff?
mumblingchandler: :-)
IwantMAESbabyS: hehe label it .. progressive metal 101 with mr chandler!!!
IwantMAESbabyS: wait no
IwantMAESbabyS: progressive metal 101 in the classroom with mr chandler
IwantMAESbabyS: thats better
mumblingchandler: hahah
mumblingchandler: will do
IwantMAESbabyS: nice
IwantMAESbabyS: when will i get this cd?
IwantMAESbabyS: haha i'm gonna make u an emo cd
IwantMAESbabyS: just to show u emo doens;t all sound the same as well
IwantMAESbabyS: but i'll put some actual songs u might like
But he can be mean at times!
IwantMAESbabyS: are u realted to bill gates... or just plan weird?
mumblingchandler: or are you just stupid?
hehe ok peace out gotta work in the morning
**mr.chandler is a nick name i gave matt chandler because he is always correcting my grammer**
the fear for today is people thinking i like matt..... which i dont so let me make that clear right now!!
Posted at 03:42 pm by mysticpink
What does tonights Dinner Have In store?
Well today has sucked like major balls....
Fisrt i woke up super early, got ready and went to work. Got there late, Played with max and alex for a while. Then i popped in a movie and made them lunch. Sounds swell enough?? well not really. They have a gas stove. And so the lighter got stuck and once the flmae lit, the gas had spread and caught my sleeve on fire.. thanx god i had the water running next to me. So then i made some mini pizzas and fish sticks. And watched Stuart Little 2. Then the kids wanted to go outside, so i watched them get muddy as hell. And right before their parents got home i wnet down stairs to get max a drink, and the kids decide dto go on the balcony..... as their parenst pulled up. Big number one rule.. Dont allow kids on the Balcony!!!! Well one i was downstairs and they locked themselves out on the balcony.. I'm glad i still ahve my job. So i made $50 today, and i went for a walk home, on the lakefront. And i grabbed some coffee at java... no one was there which was weird.
Ok so the name of my post. Well right before my brother left he told me to be ready at 6pm he was gonna pick me up for dinner. Suposivly we are going to dads to eat. Which is weird.... i mean sure to have dinner over there is odd enough.. but the both of us, me and adam? Last time this happened they annouced they were getting married. And they just got hoem from there honeymoon last weekend, it was their 1st anaversery (sp?) I am hoping this doens;t mean i'll be having another sibling. Jeez i already have one older brother, one older step brother, and two youg step brothers... if it is a kid, let it be a girl!!!
well off to get ready.... i'll post when i egt home to tell you how the dinner was... peace
Fear i'll have another sibling
Posted at 10:35 am by mysticpink
Tuesday, April 13, 2004
Spring Break's supose to be fun?!?
"...i can't stand to think about
My hearts so big it hurts like hell
Oh my God I gave my best
For three whole years to end like this
Do you want to fall apart?
I can't stop if you can't start
Do you want to fall apart?
Well i could if you can't try to fix what i've undone
'Cause I hate what I've become.
You know me
Or you think you do
But you dont seem to see
I;ve been waiting all this time to be
Something I cannot define
So let's cause a scene
Clap our hands and stomp our feet, or something, yeah something
I've just got to get myself over me....."
---The Format:: First Single
Well today was a waste. Spring break is nothing close to fun for me. Lets see....... i woke up at 11ish, at noodles and jelly beans for breakfast, Then watched some tv and downloaded some music. Then my brother woke up and we wanted to try Backyard Burgar, so i gave him a few bucks and he picked me up a burgar.... it was ok, but not for $12 a burgar... its cheaper and better to go to times bar and grill.
Tomorrow I have to babysit from 9am to 3pm, so i think i'll go to java for breakfast and then walk to work. Same with wednesday, then the dentist that afternoon.
Thursday everyone go to Java, i wanna have fun this time!! And friday Someone should call me to make plans because by then i'll be $50 richer So we should do something.. we as in anyone who calls and sounds fun!!
See thats the plan, but we all know thursday at java will prob sux again, Friday No one will call leaving me home all day and saturday i will be stuck with chores, sunday Church.. and monday the dread of waking up at 6 in the morning yet again!!!!
I had a weird dream last night, i think its a sign i'm getting over robbie. One because he wasn't in it. And 2ndly i ended up kissing this hot dream god.. lol... well i hope i get over robbie soon. I dont wanna be a dweller, dwellers are like borderline stalkers. Well i'm gonna go talk on aim and listen to the format, mae and Atreyu Some more to tie up today
the fear of a Spring break Wasted
Posted at 01:36 pm by mysticpink
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 Have you ever felt like you were trapt in a town where you dont belong?.................. I do.
  Recent Photo'sIN THE PROCESS!These are a few journals that i read...
In Hinding
A fake smile, A fake laugh,
But the truth Is I’d rather drown in a Bath,
But it makes you happy,
And it shows you nothing,
Because if you knew,
You would cry too,
And what would that do?
Just leave us in a blabbering mess?
I’d rather not confess,
My thoughts and Feelings
To someone who is to consumed with themselves.
I think I’d rather hind and live in this shell
That I built around myself.
What you see is what you get,
But it’s all a lie, Its all a scam
Call the police and you’ll see
All I am is a sham.
I hide under a layer of skin
And not even my bestest of best friends,
Have been allowed in
You may think you have
I’m sorry to inform you,
But you haven’t been
You wanna know the real me?
I cry myself to sleep….
Night after night….
I have more then one fight,
With myself
Or my family,
Then when it’s you and me,
I put on my face
I wipe the tears away
I hide my eyes with some glasses
I add makeup over my scars
And you see the person you think is me
To bad, its far off from who I really am.
I’m a liar and a fake
And for gods sake
Let me stay that way.
---written by me
Contact Me
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